


i hear his eyeliner's insured for $10,000

by babygotbaek



Series: for u wifu [1]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, M/M, Mean Girls References, Mean girls Au, Pining, too much of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 03:29:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9416108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babygotbaek/pseuds/babygotbaek
Summary: "so, if you're from america, why are you korean?"





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xiumints](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiumints/gifts).



> this was supposed to be like 500 words long,, sorry,,,

“oh my god, is that your natural hair color?”

sehun blinked, staring blankly at the boy in front of him. he had slim features and dark eye bags, and was currently reaching a hand out, as if to touch sehun’s pastel-colored hair. “uh, no,” sehun answered, pushing the boy’s hand away from his hair. “my hair isn't naturally pink.”

the boy made a tsking, 'what a shame' noise with his tongue and stared at sehun’s hair a little longer before turning to the boy sitting next to him. “see, kyungsoo, that’s the color i want,” he declared, jabbing a finger in sehun’s general direction.

kyungsoo rolled his eyes, looking utterly uninterested with his friend’s demands. “i’m sorry, that’s zitao,” he greeted in a deadpan. “he’s almost too gay to function.”

an exaggerated gasp left zitao’s lips in an ‘o’. “gay? i’ll have you know that i am the straightest person in this friendship.”

kyungsoo watched with an unmoving expression as zitao huffily pulled the latest issue of vogue out of his gucci purse, then turned back to face sehun. “you’re the new kid, right?” before sehun could answer, he spoke again. “sean, or something?”

“actually, it’s sehun—”

“so, sean, how are you liking the school so far? need anyone to help you get around or anything like that?” again, he didn’t let sehun answer. “great!” kyungsoo said with a smile that was more unnerving than comforting. “we’d be glad to help you. meet you at our table during lunch, yeah? you should be able to find us yourself.”

the bell signaling the start of class rang, and sehun wasn’t sure how he was supposed to tell kyungsoo that he was getting around the school just fine.

 

 

 

“that one there, that’s park chanyeol,” kyungsoo said in a low voice. he pointed a cheese fry at one of the three boys sitting in the middle of the cafeteria, the tallest one on the far left. he had both of his hands cupped over his chest, in the area his boobs would be if he had any. “he’s one of the dumbest guys you’ll ever meet.”

“and that little one?” zitao pointed at the shortest boy sitting on the far right. both his hair and his lips were curled at the edges. “that’s kim jongdae.”

“he knows everything about everyone.”

“that’s why his hair is so big,” zitao dropped his voice to a hiss. “it’s full of secrets.” sehun glanced over at jongdae’s curly perm again.

“and evil takes a human form in byun baekhyun,” kyungsoo said venomously, stabbing his fork into his remaining cheese fries. sehun shifted his gaze over to the last of the three boys, the one sitting in the middle. “don’t be fooled, because he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut-faced ho-bag—”

“i don’t know, he seems okay,” sehun interjected lazily, watching with interest as baekhyun’s lips pulled back into a cute, rectangular smile. his kohl-rimmed eyes sparkled and squinted with laughter as chanyeol said something presumably funny, hands still cupped on his chest, and sehun leaned forward on his elbows to get a closer look at them.

kyungsoo’s jaw dropped. “what?”

zitao’s jaw also dropped. “wow,” he said in awe. “the last time i saw this much emotion on kyungsoo’s face was when that kid got run over by a school bus last year.”

“i said he seems okay,” sehun repeated, still staring at baekhyun. “what’s so bad about him?”

kyungsoo looked as if sehun had just taken the script they were supposed to be reading from and ripped it into a million pieces. “what’s so bad about him?” he sputtered indignantly. “he’s a horrible human being!”

at that moment, baekhyun had picked up about fifteen plastic spoons and was beginning to stack them on his nose, head tilted back all the way.

“he doesn’t care about anyone but himself.”

he was on his fourth spoon now.

“everything he does works to his own advantage and ends up badly for someone else.”

seventh spoon. jongdae and chanyeol were cheering him on loudly now, pumping their fists in the air.

“and he’s popular for no reason! he’s not smart, or funny, or good at sports, or anything. he’s just pretty.”

on the tenth spoon, chanyeol had gotten a little too excited and started to flail his arms around like an oversized octopus out of water. the entire stack of spoons toppled over, and both baekhyun and jongdae half whined, half giggled as chanyeol looked down tearfully at the dropped spoons.

“just, stay away from byun baekhyun, okay?”

sehun stuck his lower lip out thoughtfully, staring at kyungsoo’s pleading expression. “okay.”

 

 

 

“you’re like, really pretty.”

sehun could feel kyungsoo’s eyes burning into the side of his head from the other side of the cafeteria, and he ignored them. “thank you,” sehun replied blankly.

“so you agree?” baekhyun started excitedly.

“what?”

“you think you’re really pretty?”

“yes.”

baekhyun is wide-eyed now, the same tearing-up-the-script look on his face that kyungsoo had on his yesterday. “oh,” he stammered. “well, um, good for you.”

 

 

 

as soon as baekhyun left the table to throw his lunch away, jongdae leaned in on his elbows and grinned at sehun. “so, seen any girls that you think are cute yet?”

sehun shrugged. “baekhyun’s cute.”

jongdae stared at sehun blankly before laughing obnoxiously. chanyeol laughed, too, but sehun didn’t think it was for the same reasons as jongdae. “very funny,” jongdae said with a grin. “come on, there’s gotta be someone you like.”

sehun frowned. “no, i’m serious—”

“you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone,” jongdae interjected in a hushed voice. chanyeol was still laughing. “your secret’s safe with me.”

somehow, sehun doubted that.

“uh, okay.” it was clear that jongdae wasn’t going to stop bothering him until he called out a name. “kim— kim taeyeon?” he stumbled with the name, wondering if he had remembered it correctly. the only contact sehun had with her was when she had asked him the date in math class.

chanyeol gasped, his laughter stopping abruptly. “no!”

“oh, no,” jongdae repeated with large eyes. “you can’t like kim taeyeon. that’s baekhyun’s ex-girlfriend. they went out for a year, and he was devastated when she broke up with him—”

“i thought he dumped her for im yoona,” chanyeol said doubtfully.

“irregardless,” jongdae barreled on. “exes are off-limits to friends.”

“that’s just like, the rules of feminism,” chanyeol added seriously.

both sehun and jongdae turned to stare at chanyeol.

 

 

 

“sehun, do you even know who sings this?”

they were in baekhyun’s bedroom, all four of them, and jongdae had just put on a peppy k-pop song that sehun recognized very vaguely. he wasn’t sure, though— he had been living in america for so long that he couldn’t even tell if it was a girl group or boy group singing. “um, exo?” sehun tried, naming the first idol group he could think of.

baekhyun laughed. “i love him,” he commented, like sehun wasn’t standing right there. “he’s like a little martian.” both jongdae and chanyeol nodded in agreement, and sehun didn’t know if he was supposed to feel flattered or offended.

“so, jongdae told me something interesting yesterday,” baekhyun continued.

jongdae looked stricken. “you told me you wouldn’t tell him that i told you!” he gasped out in a breathy whisper.

baekhyun rolled his eyes. “relax. i’m not mad or anything,” he flopped onto his giant bed, limbs starfished out, and closed his eyes. “i’m not with taeyeon anymore. do whatever you want with her.”

“uh, right, about that,” sehun started with a frown. “i don’t actually like taeyeon. i just said that because—”

“sehun, i told you, it’s fine,” baekhyun said in a frustrated tone. his voice got like that a lot, and sehun imagined he was trying to seem intimidating. he really wasn’t, though— he always just sounded like a pouty puppy, making sehun coo internally. “i’m not mad at you. i’m. over. taeyeon.”

 

 

 

baekhyun was dating taeyeon again by next week.

“your hair looks so sexy pulled back,” baekhyun gasped out, pulling taeyeon’s long, brown hair back in a ponytail. “sehun, tell her that her hair looks sexy pulled back.”

sehun blinked, looking up from his cafeteria pizza. taeyeon looked utterly mortified with the situation, and sehun felt a mixture of sympathy and jealousy. “your hair looks sexy pulled back,” sehun repeated, stony faced as he shoved the slice of pizza past his lips to stop himself from blurting out, “but baekhyun would probably look better.”

 

 

 

they performed for the winter talent show every year, jongdae told sehun in that rushed voice of his. jingle bell rock— a song sehun actually knew. usually, baekhyun and jongdae sang while chanyeol played the piano, but they would find a way to fit sehun in, baekhyun had added. sehun didn’t really care what he did in the performance. as long as he got to do it with baekhyun.

 

 

 

“he’s really not that bad,” sehun said suddenly. they were supposed to be working on an english assignment about caesar together, him, kyungsoo, and zitao, but neither of them were very interested in getting it done. “maybe you just have to get to know him a little better.”

kyungsoo looked as if sehun had just suggested he help zitao dye his hair pink. “oh my god, he’s brainwashed you,” kyungsoo mumbled conspiratorially. “did you see him slip anything into your food recently?”

sehun rolled his eyes, and so did zitao. “don’t listen to kyungsoo,” he said as he examined his nails lazily. “he’s just bitter over what baekhyun did to him in middle school,” zitao glanced up sehun gleefully, as if the most delightful thought had just crossed his mind. “which, by the way, is a hilarious story—”

“zitao!” kyungsoo shrieked. he looked absolutely murderous— or, at least, more murderous than he usually did.

“oh, right, i’m not supposed to tell people about that,” zitao said in his quietest voice (which wasn’t actually very quiet).

when kyungsoo got up to sharpen his pencil, zitao immediately leaned into sehun’s personal space and started whispering in his second quietest voice. “he used to be super close with baekhyun, you know,” he started. sehun was amazed— he didn’t even have to prod him for the information. “not even ‘best friends’ close; it was, like, super gay close.” sehun glanced down at zitao’s nails momentarily, which he was trimming down with a sparkly pink file. “eventually, he developed the worst crush on baekhyun. i told him not to confess because, well, baekhyun is obviously straighter than a ruler—” sehun felt his heart fall. “—but he wouldn’t listen to me. nope, the idiot asked him out in front of the entire school. stayed home ‘sick’ for a month. he was a mess; when i told him another kid got hit by a school bus, he barely even smiled.”

“what are you guys talking about.” zitao screamed, nail file flying up in the air when kyungsoo’s flat voice crept up behind them. maybe sehun should’ve been scared for zitao, or intrigued by his new information on kyungsoo, but he only felt deflating disappointment over the fact that baekhyun was straight.

 

 

 

zitao didn’t show up to school the next day. sehun would’ve been worried for him if he hadn’t been drooling over baekhyun’s new haircut.

 

 

 

“why do you always have your hands over your chest?” sehun asked chanyeol curiously during a rehearsal for their talent show performance.

chanyeol’s big, happy grin morphed into a strangely grave expression. “it’s my boobs.” sehun glanced over at his flat chest. “they can always tell when it’s going to rain.”

then, chanyeol was looking down at his crotch. “it’s going to be sunny tomorrow,” he said matter of factly. “i have a boner.” jongdae suddenly looked very interested in the conversation.

 

 

 

“oh my god, that was so fetch,” jongdae gushed after their talent show performance.

baekhyun wrinkled his nose. “jongdae, stop trying to make fetch happen.” although he tried to look irritated, sehun caught his smile, a small one that he hid with a turn of his head. sehun couldn’t help but smile as well.

 

 

 

baekhyun and taeyeon were both nominated for spring fling king and queen (along with kyungsoo, which sehun suspected had to do with the fact that zitao was on the spring fling committee). the whole school was already claiming that it was no contest— #baekyeon was going to win. they were both hot, they were both popular, they were both perfect for each other.

sehun suddenly felt an overwhelming empathy for middle-school kyungsoo.

 

 

 

“ugh, i can’t believe i’m failing trig,” baekhyun whined as he lay on his bed, flinging his balled up math test in the air. he yelped when it hit him on the forehead, and sehun stifled a laugh.

“it’s okay, baek, you’re hot,” chanyeol said in what he probably thought was a comforting voice. jongdae looked as if the compliment deeply offended him. “you don’t need to do math homework when you’re hot. trust me— i’ve never done homework in my life, and i’m only failing seven of my classes.”

jongdae frowned. “we only have seven classes.” chanyeol seemed to be considering this thought deeply before baekhyun spoke up again.

“i need, like, a tutor or something,” baekhyun complained in a wheedling tone. “but taeyeon sucks at math.”

“bet that’s not the only thing she—”

“i can tutor you,” sehun interjected, really not wanting jongdae to finish that sentence. “i’m doing pretty well in math.”

sehun actually had a c in his math class, but baekhyun didn’t need to know that.

 

 

 

“i got it!” baekhyun gasped excitedly. “i got the answer! all by myself!”

sehun winced, forcing a smile onto his face as he looked over baekhyun’s work. he considered himself pretty bad at math, but baekhyun was _bad at math_. “uh, actually, that’s not right,” he said reluctantly, showing baekhyun his own answer. “it’s negative one.”

baekhyun practically deflated, like a sad balloon animal. “oh.”

“um, you were close, though,” sehun insisted, smiling wider. “really close.”

fifty three was nowhere close to negative one, but sehun figured that the dazzling smile on baekhyun’s face was worth the guilty conscience.

 

 

 

“what in the hell do you think you’re doing,” kyungsoo’s monotone voice (apparently he even sounded like that on the phone) asked through sehun’s speaker.

sehun didn’t answer.

“why are you tutoring baekhyun.”

again, he didn’t answer, choosing to pick at the lint on his jacket instead.

“sean, you cannot avoid me forever, i’ll wait as long as i ne—”

sehun ended the call, opening back his texts with baekhyun (where a flurry of messages akin to ‘where did u go???’ and ‘:<’ awaited him). maybe he couldn’t avoid kyungsoo forever, but he sure as hell could try.

 

 

 

“i can’t believe taeyeon’s been cheating on me,” baekhyun cried out. “and with huang zitao, of all people!”

“trust me, i am just as surprised as you are,” sehun mumbled, thinking back to zitao’s pink nail file.

“i thought she loved me,” he whined, grabbing a nearby tissue. both jongdae and chanyeol made mildly sympathetic noises. sehun wondered how they were able to make any noise at all in between sucking face.

“it’s okay, uh,” sehun stammered as he struggled to find supportive words. “plenty of fish in the sea, right?”

sehun had never had to play the shoulder to lean on before, and had been disproportionately surprised when baekhyun actually did lean on his shoulder. “ugh, dude, i’m sorry,” he said in between sniffles. “i know you liked taeyeon too. sorry she turned out to be such a bitch.”

“that’s not your fault,” sehun insisted, awkwardly patting baekhyun’s shoulder. “and, trust me, i never liked her in the first place.”

baekhyun stopped sniffling. “really?”

if both sehun’s head and heart didn’t feel like they were about to explode, he would’ve said that baekhyun sounded hopeful.

 

 

 

“i got...negative two?”

sehun nodded eagerly. “that’s right,” he praised, disbelieving. “you’re right!”

baekhyun beamed, eyes curved in two crescents and mouth forming an adorable triangle. “of course i’m right,” he said proudly. “i’m always right.”

sehun snorted.

“shut up, i’m a genius and you know it,” baekhyun said with a sniff, turning his nose up in the air. sehun snorted again, this time with a few stifled giggles. baekhyun turned back to him with a furious expression. “i am!” he insisted, leaning in close to jab a finger at sehun’s chest. baekhyun’s breath was hot against his cheek as he spoke, and sehun was suddenly hyper aware of the fact that he could count every mole sprinkled around baekhyun’s nose if he wanted to.

he had counted up to three before baekhyun’s lips were pressed hard against his.

 

 

 

“i thought you were straight?” sehun quirked an eyebrow as baekhyun threw his hands around sehun’s neck and swayed along to the music.

baekhyun laughed out loud, genuinely surprised at the question. “straight? where did you get that from?”

“well— you turned down kyungsoo in middle school?”

“turning down kyungsoo does not make me straight,” it seemed like baekhyun was rolling his eyes, although sehun couldn’t really tell in the dimmed lights. he leaned forward and buried his face in the crook of sehun’s neck, continuing to sway. “it makes me sane,” he mumbled into sehun’s neatly ironed tux. “i mean, would you date a guy who knew seventeen ways to kill a man in his sleep?”

“well, the guy won spring fling king, so he must be doing something right.”

baekhyun laughed again, and even with the volume of the music, sehun could hear him perfectly, could feel the vibrations through his shoulder. “i can’t say that i ever thought i’d get to see kyungsoo slow dancing with taeyeon.”

sehun sighed. “he’s going to kill me when he sees the video on youtube.”

baekhyun lifted his head away from sehun’s neck and smirked. “he’ll have to get through me first.”

sehun wrinkled his nose, ready to make a comment about how gross and cheesy he sounded. and he would’ve, if baekhyun hadn’t leaned up on his toes and kissed the thought away from his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear i love exo and taeyeon


End file.
